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Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Assault suspect claims he's half-orangutan

Did Florida police stumble on evidence of a government hybrid that worked for the CIA? More then likely not, but one man arrested for assault last week claims exactly that. But that's the only amazing links this man has, he may also be the brother of Elvis, or so he claims.

Miami New Times reported that Florida police arrested Mark Loescher for assault after a report was called in claiming he was threatening a women with a gun near a bank in Naples. But this wasn't your regular assault suspect, he was the director of the CIA, well, as claimed by him. However this wasn't the most interesting part of his story.

Loescher told Florida police that he was the brother of Elvis Presley and he was half orangutan, a subject of a super human project. He claimed he was pressed for time because he had to get to a "Fusion Center" as soon as possible to check on his monkey blood. Apparently when your an orangutan/human Hybrid, you must keep close track of your monkey blood levels, but being Elvis's brother is just a cool little perk.

Mark Loescher also claimed to be a close friend of President Bush which he also shares an attorney with, which makes some question, is President Bush a fellow monkey hybrid? It's probably safe to say Loescher is 15 cans short of 6 pack, or Florida's worst lair.

Police found a gun and ammo in Loescher's vehicle, but no CIA identification, directions to the Fusion Center or the business card of Presidents Bushes attorney. Mark Loescher was taken to the Naples Jail Center and was booked on charges of aggravated assault with a weapon. He has still not been able to check his monkey blood levels.

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